Here are four lessons that Major Gift Officers can learn from seasoned law enforcement investigators about avoiding "Why" questions and building meaningful connections with major donor prospects.Â
I was listening to an episode of the Crime Junkie podcast while preparing dinner last night when I had one of those moments where you stop what you're doing and think: wait, I've heard this before.
The host was deconstructing how law enforcement investigators build rapport during interrogations. The techniques sounded so familiar: deliberate pacing, reflective listening, and the strategic use of silence.
These are the same core strategies that Major Gift Officers (MGOs) use for effective discovery visits.Â
MGOs aren't interrogating donors, of course (nor should they!). But what if the same psychological principles that help investigators build trust in a high-stakes interview could help close your next major gift?
The parallels run deeper than you might expect.Â
See how these four investigative techniques can transform your major gift discovery visits — creating the kind of open, unhurried conversation that makes donors feel comfortable and ready to tell you their story.Â
When people imagine a police interrogation, they might picture a flickering fluorescent bulb, vending machine coffee in a styrofoam cup, and a middle-aged cop pounding a metal table, saying, "Tell us what you know!"Â Â
In reality, investigators are trained to start off low-key and to clearly state their purpose before asking any probing questions. Â
The detective who interviewed Scott Peterson about his missing wife Laci, for example, began by saying, “Let’s just go over what we’ve already talked about so I can make some notes.” The cop who questioned Chris Watts about his missing wife Shanann and their two children began with a nearly identical opening.
This approach reduces friction and helps create a meaningful connection that makes people more likely to provide information.
State your intent within the first five minutes of a major donor discovery visit: "I’m here to learn about your history and connection with the hospital, not to make a solicitation."
When a donor hears that upfront, they're more likely to relax, open up, and share things you'd never learn about if they spent the whole meeting anticipating your pitch.
Investigators are trained to copy a suspect's tempo, volume, and vocabulary. This helps reduce friction and signals that the cop is operating within the subject's world, not the other way around.Â
When a detective encounters a witness who is slumped over and silent, they don’t enter the room with high energy. They pull their chair close, lean forward, and wait. If the witness speaks slowly, the detective matches that cadence. If the witness becomes more animated, the detective’s energy increases to match.Â
Grateful donor prospects may be motivated by grief, gratitude, or guilt—particularly survivor’s guilt or a sense of responsibility to give back. A high-energy approach in these instances would be a glaring emotional mismatch.Â
If the donor speaks softly, the Major Gift Officer should match that volume. If they’re direct and no-nonsense, the Major Gift Officer should speak with the same brevity. This signals psychological alignment and respect for the donor's emotional state, which is especially important during the discovery visit.
Former FBI hostage negotiator Chris Voss popularized a verbal mirroring technique that keeps suspects talking. It uses the subject's own words as a neutral prompt to build tactical empathy and extract more information. They simply repeat the last few words of the suspect's sentence back as a question, then remain silent.
"Why" can feel like a challenge or a demand for justification. Instead of asking "why" questions, try formulating questions using some of the donor's own language as a neutral way to dig deeper.Â
For example:Â
Donor: "I'm just not sure this is the right time for us to make a commitment like this."Â
MGO: "...not the right time?"
 Donor: "I'd really love to see more behavioral health services available for young people in our region."
MGO: "...more behavioral health services for young people?"Â
This kind of verbal mirroring is one of the most effective ways to avoid “Why” questions in fundraising, whether during a discovery visit or a discovery call, and to encourage donors to speak more freely.
Detectives typically ask suspects to walk them through the event in chronological order to reveal details that standard questioning misses.Â
In a 2011 interrogation of Jeffrey Pine regarding an attack on his mother, the detective asks, "So what did you do when you got up today?"
He then listens as Jeffrey recounts his day, from eating breakfast to the specific door he used to exit the house, essentially forcing Jeffrey to re-live the experience.Â
MGOs can apply this same strategy during discovery visits to uncover a potential major donor’s emotional reasons for giving.Â
Instead of asking donors what they think about your current priorities, guide them back to the moment they first felt emotionally connected to your mission.
“Walk me through the moment you decided to initially support this hospital." This helps donors re-experience the genuine feelings that first connected them to your mission.
Hard-boiled detectives and Major Gift Officers alike know the importance of facilitating a genuine connection.Â
At Nonprofit Mensa, we help hospital foundations treat every donor touchpoint as a strategic information exchange. When you define your purpose, match the donor's energy, and invite donors to share their story, you start building meaningful connections with donors and position yourself as a trusted partner in solving a problem they care about deeply.
Schedule a free 30-minute strategy session today.
We’ll review your current donor journey and identify three ways to improve donor retention and year-round giving.Â